Years ago, there were times when I used to talk to my dad.  He's been dead for over twenty years now, but if I could quiet my head, and just free my thought, I could hear his voice telling me which way to go.

 

I have been having a tough time again lately.  Many of the same problems as before with weakness, lack of balance, and tiring so quickly that I will be fine going in to a meeting, but need help getting back out to the car.  On top of that, the feeling in my left hand seems to be going.  My right hand has been a little less sensitive than before, but my left hand has only been a problem for the last couple of weeks.  At dinner the other night I couldn't use a small fork because I couldn't feel where it was in my hand.

 

I have an appointment with a neurologist on Wednesday and that has turned into full blown terror.  All the old fears of something serious being wrong, of ending back up in a nursing home, etc etc etc have come back to haunt me again.  I sat on the bed today crying in fear.

 

After everyone else was in bed I got back up and began to read from the NA basic text.  It was step seven that I was on.  I bowed my head and asked my higher power to remove this fear and doubt.  As I sat there, I once again could hear my dad talking to me, telling me that everything is going to be ok.  He reminded me of all the things that I have to be grateful for, and that I never have to walk this path alone.  God didn't bring me this far just to abandon me now.  He was with me in my darkest hours and he is with me now.

 

I've missed my dad, especially now when times are tough, and had stopped listening for his voice.  I was doing just fine on my own I thought, but realize again that nothing I accomplish in life is ever done alone.  I guess I am learning again to turn my will and my life over, and trust that all will be well, in his way and in his time, and to trust that all will be well.